"Sunshine on My Shoulders" -- John Denver / When the plans unravel.

Hello :). Today's song is "Sunshine on My Shoulders" by John Denver, a classic song from the 1970s that soothes and comforts the soul... and that's exactly what I need right now. For those of you who may not know, my summer drastically changed in a matter of days. What I thought was going to be a summer filled with days spent outside, children laughing, and forging new friendships, my summer is now challenging me to find beauty in old routines and familiar places. In the past three to four years, I've always jam packed my summers with new experiences to constantly find things to look forward to. This summer, I was hired as a cabin counselor at a summer camp in West Virginia, and prior to leaving Tampa, I was bubbling over with excitement for this adventure of a lifetime. However, when the experience failed to meet my expectations, not only did I feel uncomfortable and lost, but my loneliness in such an unfamiliar place so far from home propelled me to switch gears and return to Florida. 

As I drove back into town, my heart sank. I didn't want to be in Tampa this summer. I'm not entirely sure why but I wanted something new, something exciting. This is absolutely nothing against Tampa, but I feel as though I've already done what I need to do here. I also don't think it helps that I don't feel particularly rooted to a community of people here. But alas, here I am. The first couple days after I returned home were the worst; my disappointment for how the camp situation panned out mixed with my sadness for my own unfulfilled expectations of what I thought my summer was going to be like. And I just cried. I sat in my apartment and cried. Fortunately, I got a job working at a local kava and coffee bar, and because I am already a regular at this particular spot, I know a lot of the employees and other regulars. The familiar faces are helping a little bit with my overall disappointment, but still feel pretty empty. 

"Sunshine on My Shoulders" by John Denver helped me through an extremely lonely fall season last year. I remember trying to get homework done in my apartment last September and playing the Poems, Prayers & Promises vinyl album on my record player. Whenever "Sunshine on My Shoulders" came on, a sigh of relief would wash over my mind and body because truthfully, I've never found a more grounding remedy to my sadness like pure sunshine. For today's post, I want to unpack the following lyrics:

"If I had a tale that I could tell you

I'd tell a tale sure to make you smile.

If I had a wish that I could wish for you

I'd make a wish for sunshine for all the while."

Despite the great turn of events that unraveled my summer, I must move forward. Sulking for the remainder of my summer is surely no way to go about spending my time... and a part of me truly believes that this intentional time "off" came to test my constantly wandering mind. The first part of this verse that promises a tale (a story) parallels with my grand expectations for what my summer was "supposed to be like". However, when the human mind fabricates our daily lives to be more than what actually happens, not only are we left with disappointment, but the dread and burdens we experience as a result of our unfulfilled expectations robs us of the simple joys of living. Instead of tuning into the simple pleasures all around us, we are more focused on what went wrong (or what will go wrong). Then, John Denver goes on to add "If I had a wish for that I could wish for you, I'd make a wish for sunshine for all the while"; wishes and promises are often filled with grand and wondrous requests... but the sunshine, that's truly all we need to bring us peace and joy. In my personal life, I feel like I'm always in competition with myself for achieving the next "greatest" thing --- the next best experience that will make me a "better person". But what does that even mean? Have I ever sat back and really asked myself such an honest question? No.

I'm not here to say that I'm glad my summer unraveled -- because believe me, I'm still working through the aftermath of my disappointment and I know I won't be healed overnight. But this shift in energy and attention to what was in front of me this whole time, the sunshine, my blossoming community here in Tampa, the simple pleasures around my apartment... maybe this is exactly what I needed this summer. When we slow down and are "forced" (for lack of a better word!) to be intentional with how we spend our time, our lives start to change. I'm not sure believe this change is for the "better" or for the "worse" -- but they just change. 

And I've always believed that change is a beautiful thing. <3

Be well and I hope your days are filled with plenty of sunshine.